What's Stopping Me?

I don't know what came over me today. I was set to go cross-country skiing (after being inspired by working at the REI Winter Trials Day and teaching people skiing basics) at Elm Creek this morning. I got my ski gear on, pulled into the parking lot, walked into the chalet to check-out the rental situation and had a freak-out moment. I couldn't go through with it. I didn't want to be out there skiing alone on waxless skis among all the high school athletes. I had to leave now.

Here's the back story:
I started cross-country skiing for the Champlin Park team when I was in 9th grade. I raced all through high school and have since just classic skied every once in awhile. Joining the ski team was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I truly think it has shaped who I am today, my interests, my values, and how I want to live my life. Most days, we practiced at Elm Creek. I knew those trails like the back of my hand. Countless hours of striding up the hills, learning when to V-1 and when to V-2, double-pole races with teammates, taking a kick wax break that soon would turn into a snowball fight. This is where I've worked and played the hardest, this is where I figured out how to make myself happy.

But now, Elm Creek has changed. They have built a new chalet, new trails with snow-makers, and have bettered it for the community. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing so many people of all ages out on the trails and enjoying the tubing/skiing hill. I've also changed. I'm not in the shape I used to be. I've outgrown my skis and have now been using waxless skis whenever I go out. I sold my skate skis. I haven't made skiing a priority anymore.

I think all of this okay. Today it just hit me how things have changed. I am making an effort to get back into the skiing world by volunteering for the City of Lakes Loppet. I know how happy skiing makes me and I need to remember this. I'm going to try it again (maybe next week) but would love for someone to join me. Maybe I should give my classic skis another go?

Here are a few favorite pics of good ski memories (some old, some new):